1 Samuel 1:6 - “…her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.”
Elkanah was married to two women: Peninnah and Hannah. The former had children while the latter, none. The relationship between the two women was anything but healthy. When reading the first chapter of Samuel, this verse stood out for me. In particular, three words: rival, provoking, and irritate.
A rival is simply one person feeling in competition with another. Jealousy and resentment stirred in Peninnah’s heart toward Hannah. The way she communicated her feelings was to needle Hannah. The harassment was intentional, designed to hurt and injure Hannah. The behaviors point to Peninnah’s mean-spirited attitude.
There are a few clues within the first chapter of Samuel to help us understand the dynamics of such a relationship. One is found in verse 4 and 5.
“Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her….”
As I read this passage, I imagine Peninnah saw and felt this display of affection between Elkanah and Hannah. I imagine she felt deeply hurt and injured. Another clue is found in verse 7.
“…her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat.”
Later in the chapter, Hannah describes herself as a “woman who is deeply troubled…praying in great anguish and grief.”
As I think about this verse, there is something familiar about the behaviors and attitudes. I recognize them. The dynamics of the above dysfunctional relationship reflect my own experiences. Elkanah, Peninnah and Hannah were all going to worship the Lord where the sons of Eli were priests. In modern terms, they were going to church.
There have been many times I felt deeply embarrassed and ashamed about the dysfunctional behaviors and attitudes within my family. So, in an effort to relieve my strong emotions of guilt and embarrassment, I put on a façade. It was the only thing I could do to avoid facing the hard truth.
The good news is that God takes the real stuff of dysfunctional behavior and attitudes, transforming them into tools for shaping his good purposes. This does not mean that to maximize God’s purposes we should live in dysfunctional ways. Rather, it means that despite our inability to live above our dysfunctional ways, God transforms what we ourselves cannot do.
When our hearts grieve in anguish over the embarrassing behaviors we feel ashamed over, we can learn to rest in a God whose warm love and compassionate grace accepts us just as we are; as he creates his beauty out of our ashes. Always remember an important point: Jesus died for the ungodly. He surrendered his entire life to reach those who rejected him. He suffered immense pain to communicate his unswerving desire to love those who don’t deserve it.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Family & Body
What I live with, I learn; what I learn, I practice; what I practice, I become. We each experienced this progression in the families in which we lived, whether biological or adopted. Additionally, other environments during our most formative years the provided fertile soil for character development. For example, the years we spend in school, as we develop long-standing friendships, become a kind of extended family. We take on values and certain mannerisms to “belong.” Essentially, we learn, practice and become that which we aspire to.
As our experience in school shows us, for every small group we incorporate ourselves into, we absorb a variety of moral nuances as well as influence others in them. We evaluate and assess, accept or reject a number of ideas and concepts each day. We are becoming today something a bit different than we were yesterday.
This brings me to the idea of a spiritual family. For the Christian, this family is called the family of God, the church. Another familiar name is the Body of Christ. To be part of a family instantly brings much to mind concerning our own personal experience of being in a family. Seeing that our current conditions are quite contrary concerning families, it is easy to understand why thinking of church as a family sometimes comes across in negative ways. However, even in such times, a church will always reflect family. That means, we will have to learn to put up with each other’s oftentimes annoying idiosyncrasies.
Thinking of church as a Body conjures a variety of notions more personally flavored. Each part of a body is intimately connected with the whole. If the arm is sore, the legs, while not feeling the pain, are not disconnected from the body. In fact, the opposite arm will try to comfort the arm in pain as the legs attempt to make up for the loss of the pained arm’s movement.
Small groups can be seen as families and bodies. As families, they learn to live with those in the small group despite features not always appealing. As bodies, they learn to care for others as they care for themselves; they learn to relate in such ways as to help those hurting or needing special care.
It is in the small group environment that we learn to live as communities. It is in the small group we experience compassionate comfort in trying times. It is in the context of intimate small groups we encounter the healing power of a listening heart during painful times. In small groups, we learn to value warm hugs, intentional looks into the eye, and authentic concern for personal well-being.
As our experience in school shows us, for every small group we incorporate ourselves into, we absorb a variety of moral nuances as well as influence others in them. We evaluate and assess, accept or reject a number of ideas and concepts each day. We are becoming today something a bit different than we were yesterday.
This brings me to the idea of a spiritual family. For the Christian, this family is called the family of God, the church. Another familiar name is the Body of Christ. To be part of a family instantly brings much to mind concerning our own personal experience of being in a family. Seeing that our current conditions are quite contrary concerning families, it is easy to understand why thinking of church as a family sometimes comes across in negative ways. However, even in such times, a church will always reflect family. That means, we will have to learn to put up with each other’s oftentimes annoying idiosyncrasies.
Thinking of church as a Body conjures a variety of notions more personally flavored. Each part of a body is intimately connected with the whole. If the arm is sore, the legs, while not feeling the pain, are not disconnected from the body. In fact, the opposite arm will try to comfort the arm in pain as the legs attempt to make up for the loss of the pained arm’s movement.
Small groups can be seen as families and bodies. As families, they learn to live with those in the small group despite features not always appealing. As bodies, they learn to care for others as they care for themselves; they learn to relate in such ways as to help those hurting or needing special care.
It is in the small group environment that we learn to live as communities. It is in the small group we experience compassionate comfort in trying times. It is in the context of intimate small groups we encounter the healing power of a listening heart during painful times. In small groups, we learn to value warm hugs, intentional looks into the eye, and authentic concern for personal well-being.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Green Pastures & Still Waters
Circumstantial Environments. Surrounding influences. A framework of conditions forming external stimuli. In other words, it is where we live. Our daily lives find us moving through a variety of circumstantial environments. In each environment, we find a spectrum of emotional responses occurring within. Feelings swirl about, cascading over a myriad of thoughts. Sometimes, the strong, negative feelings shroud our thoughts. Other times, lucid insight ignites emotional combustion, helping us soar among the heights of heaven.
The sphere within is the domain in which we must contend. When we experience difficult circumstantial environments, how do we manage the emotions we feel? One beneficial method of coping with distressing emotions is to share them. How do we share them? We do this by talking with someone we know, someone we trust. Moreover, that person genuinely cares and loves us.
Do you experience this? Do you have those with whom you can share your emotional states? In other words, when you are shaking with anger, combined with confusing guilt and shame for feeling so angry; when embarrassingly dark thoughts triggers bizarre pleasure causing you to want to fly away and hide, is there someone you can lean on and pour out your breaking heart? This is a crucial part of connection. It’s the deep sense you have not been abandoned, that someone is vitally connected to your inner life. They don’t have to fix it or have the answers. You simply desire to allow your heart to roll the heaviness off.
Essentially, apprehending the “green pastures and still waters” of transcending peace when all hell is breaking loose is the experiential knowledge of connection. Let me put it another way. The peace God gives is powerfully felt when we, through transparent honesty, connect with another person. Jesus lived in emotional transparency with 12 men. He modeled the kind of life he taught. It wasn’t until those same 12 men found themselves in severely distressing environments they experienced a deepening of their faith. That is when those men felt growth, life, and character forming within them.
Community groups are small groups designed for people to experience deeply meaningful connection with a few others. It is the place where unconditional acceptance, trust, healing, safely warm friendship, and agape love finds expression. As each person pursues a relationship with Christ, they bring that journey into the group. Together, a community group discovers the mystery of being connected, as a Body, to the Head - Jesus.
The sphere within is the domain in which we must contend. When we experience difficult circumstantial environments, how do we manage the emotions we feel? One beneficial method of coping with distressing emotions is to share them. How do we share them? We do this by talking with someone we know, someone we trust. Moreover, that person genuinely cares and loves us.
Do you experience this? Do you have those with whom you can share your emotional states? In other words, when you are shaking with anger, combined with confusing guilt and shame for feeling so angry; when embarrassingly dark thoughts triggers bizarre pleasure causing you to want to fly away and hide, is there someone you can lean on and pour out your breaking heart? This is a crucial part of connection. It’s the deep sense you have not been abandoned, that someone is vitally connected to your inner life. They don’t have to fix it or have the answers. You simply desire to allow your heart to roll the heaviness off.
Essentially, apprehending the “green pastures and still waters” of transcending peace when all hell is breaking loose is the experiential knowledge of connection. Let me put it another way. The peace God gives is powerfully felt when we, through transparent honesty, connect with another person. Jesus lived in emotional transparency with 12 men. He modeled the kind of life he taught. It wasn’t until those same 12 men found themselves in severely distressing environments they experienced a deepening of their faith. That is when those men felt growth, life, and character forming within them.
Community groups are small groups designed for people to experience deeply meaningful connection with a few others. It is the place where unconditional acceptance, trust, healing, safely warm friendship, and agape love finds expression. As each person pursues a relationship with Christ, they bring that journey into the group. Together, a community group discovers the mystery of being connected, as a Body, to the Head - Jesus.
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